Life is full of choices. Change is inevitable. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. We've all heard. I know! Wrapped up in the middle of my life, several children and a handsome husband later I began needing more. I always dreamed of family and never quite knew what else there was for me to dream for. A big move to a new place catapulted my life into what it's becoming now. I am embracing our home and our choices but still chasing happiness, like it's a destination. I know I shouldn't do that, but how can I help myself? If only my baby were older walking would be easier. If only my car got better gas milage I would drive more. If only I had these ingredients I could be a better cook. No more "if only"....
I have recently adopted a new mantra, something I remind myself of every time I need the reminder. It goes like this, "SHUT UP and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT." I like to get my way, and I can complain better than anyone you know about how hard it is to not have it easy, Like it's news! It's not news. No one cares. I am responsible for my own health, happiness and success. Me. Not you. Not my kids, or my husband, or my dad. Me. I am holding all the cards. So then why am I talking about them? Shutting up long enough to stop complaining and start solving is something I never learned how to do. I talk my way into and out of everything. It's unhealthy.
I'm moving forward. I have goals. This is weirdly new to me. I had wants. I had hopes. I never had goals. I never knew why I wanted what I did. I was trained by the world to shop, buy, use and replace. Never stopped to appreciate, learn and enjoy. Stupid how much I've missed. Spent 20 years in one county and really don't even know my way around the different interstates here. Stepping out of my comfort zone is necessary in finding what makes me, me. I know who I am, but I can't place myself in one political party, one religion, or even one "club". I never took the time to cultivate my own heart. This year has been incredible. I have opened up my eyes and looked at myself in a mirror. I can be more than who I am today, but who I dream of becoming. I am ok with the idea that I might surprise myself. I am not yet ready to fail, but by the time I get to that, I hope to have the clarity to see that failure as an opportunity.
I'll share a few goals with you here, only because I could use the accountability. Holding me to these goals will be about as effective as me holding you to yours. It's up to me to succeed. I have all the cards, after all.
1. Quit smoking.
2. Get back to college and get that degree.
3. Go Vegan (and only for optimal health reasons)
4. Find my Faith/Religion/Beliefs - and accept them as mine.
5. Determine my political affiliation, and then promptly forget it.
6. Prove to myself and my kids that success is not a monetary goal, but a state of being.
7. Shut up, stop complaining, and DO SOMETHING about it.
