tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23718199635117789242024-02-19T23:12:01.596-08:00Growing ForwardUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-64106927694960101252015-12-15T11:49:00.001-08:002015-12-15T12:01:14.092-08:00Life works <p dir="ltr">I care what people think. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm not supposed to, or so I'm told. I think if I stop caring what people think I might even stop caring about people. How am I going to continue to understand why people do and say and feel the way they do if I disregard their opinions simply because it might hurt to know those opinions? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I should add, I don't care if you don't like me. I do care if you take time out from your life to hurt me. Knowing this prevents me from nurturing toxic relationships. It also helps guide me towards beautiful people, with honest and kind souls. </p>
<p dir="ltr">If it weren't for all the caring about other people, I might not be who I am. I might not show the compassion I do. I might not be emotionally available to those who I can learn from and even teach. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Human connections are how I breathe. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Loneliness isn't being alone. It's feeling alone. And disconnecting to protect myself will absolutely lead to loneliness. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So I care what people think. I care about people, and not just myself. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZaPt10V6LyJziG_jhJWQlThqKSoSS6f8csOglwT-lsGgB8YrtMaCV5BfPSbiDyrXgLrxm5pcoPxXCq8v-kxNmcQ24-Z3FBVyxEM1DAlNBLQwfAuqvT3WNqMfHyoTDerIrzjyN0BdE-0/s1600/edited_FB_IMG_1448472114847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvZaPt10V6LyJziG_jhJWQlThqKSoSS6f8csOglwT-lsGgB8YrtMaCV5BfPSbiDyrXgLrxm5pcoPxXCq8v-kxNmcQ24-Z3FBVyxEM1DAlNBLQwfAuqvT3WNqMfHyoTDerIrzjyN0BdE-0/s640/edited_FB_IMG_1448472114847.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-41046942004645095582013-03-13T23:08:00.003-07:002013-03-13T23:08:53.435-07:00The Constant is Still "Change"Life had a way of actually being right side up even when it feels upside down.
I learned that all over again this month.
I had a terrible job. It was there when I needed it but was also slowly turning me into someone I was ashamed of. I like to think I have enough integrity to be myself and still manage to avoid hurting others in my attempts to achieve personal success.
So I quit.
I didn't even have a new job yet. It was not a blind risk. I had been on one interview.
It worked out, and I began a new job last week. I'm excited about the opportunity to continue growing. Its a new beginning for me.
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-9620169413838841142013-02-15T13:05:00.000-08:002013-02-15T13:05:02.322-08:00Blown Away<div style="text-align: center;">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-19138320387686661802013-02-14T11:16:00.002-08:002013-02-14T11:16:30.150-08:00Slammed against a wallAgain I have managed to live too fast to stop and blog. I love the feeling blogging brings but I rarely make the time anymore. I started a job a year ago, promoted and acquired a raise and have recently hit the glass ceiling. I am completing the last 6 units of my first "year" of college this semester. I have a 4.0 still. I have my son attending 1st grade, after beginning this year as a kindergarten. He promoted too! These things have taken all of my focus. <br />
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Well, let's be honest. Work has taken all of my focus. I work with a group of young girls. Our boss is a man who does not actually participate in the work at our restaurant. I'm not gonna sugar coat it, it's a freaking Subway. I am an assistant manager at Subway. That's about as cool as saying I got promoted at McDonald's from fry cook to drive-thru. I got so excited about promoting quickly that I lost touch with why I work there to begin with. I needed "currently employed" on my resume so prospective accounting departments and customer service departments in large corporations with benefits and opportunities for advancement wouldn't look at my very past tense previous employment as obsolete. For a brief moment I became enraptured by the fact that stupid, brainless teenagers thought I was a cool manager. I thought that made me awesome. I woke up recently, like Katy Perry, only not over a boy - over a job. I'm wide awake. I don't need to sell myself short for a stupid food service job when I have accounting experience, and sales experience and a fucking 4.0 in college. I'm gonna own a business when I graduate, not work for one! I forgot that for a moment and let the petty drama eat my soul. The wake up call came from the flu this year.<br />
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I called in sick when Dash had a fever after the super bowl. His fever did not get better for 6 straight days. It was scary. I stayed with him, nursing him like a good mother. Emily came home from school sick a couple days later, developed pink eye and I took her to see the doctor, like a caring mother should. Torin came home from school with a fever and red eyes and spent a few days sleeping on the couch too. I really enjoyed the reminder of the heartwarming joy that comes from being home with my kids, taking care of them. I appreciate day care for taking such great care of them when they are well, but when they are sick - they NEED mom. This is where the straw that broke the camel's back comes in to play...<br />
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While driving home from the doctor's office my 55 year old store manager called me on my cell phone and shouted when I answered, "Do you still work for me or not?".<br />
I answered timidly, because I was intimidated by his tone and distracted by the drive to the pharmacy to collect my daughter's prescriptions, "Um, of course I still do. Why would you ask me that?"<br />
He says then, "We are only allowed three absences in a month, you've been absent a whopping 6 times!" (He is still shouting at me).<br />
I reminded him, "My absences are excused by doctors notes and I have been in constant communication with my own boss regarding my kids being sick and the time off I need. She and I have worked together to get all the shifts covered so that no day goes understaffed in my absence."<br />
She shouts at me again, "You need to arrange better babysitters so you don't need tomorrow off too"<br />
This is where I lost my nerve, "Excuse me? Who do you suggest I arrange to take care of my four sick children? Who did you have take care of your own kids when they stayed home sick? I need a referral."<br />
He says, "I am YOUR boss. I need proof your kids are sick."<br />
I asserted again, "I already volunteered to bring you proof, you don't need to punish me for being a parent. I was a mother when you hired me. That responsibility has not changed." <br />
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After I hung up that call my daughter asked me in utter disbelief if that was my boss? I am setting an example that employers are allowed to treat their staff this way. She doesn't need to aspire to work in fast food, and certainly doesn't need to grow up expecting all the men in her life to abuse her. Her father abused her, her boss should be allowed to abuse her, her husband will surely, with these examples, be allowed to abuse her too. I need to refocus my attention on protecting them. What's best for them will ultimately be what's best for me, as I am focused solely on raising them right and providing for them along the way. My job is not about me. I don't take them with me, but I bring them home the money. I don't attend college for me, I go to obtain the credentials worthy of earning more to bring home to them. They need college some day too, and dance costumes, sports uniforms, and lives of their own. I can't provide for them if I don't first provide myself with opportunities to do so.<br />
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I bombarded a company with my resume today. I used to work for their sister company. I am familiar with their product line. I am fluent in customer service, telesales, accounts payable, receivable and all the office programs required to reconcile those books if necessary. I have a girlfriend who put in a good word. I also spoke to both staffing agencies they use to hire. In addition to that I spoke to the head of their HR department. It's a pay cut from what I earn now, but it has full benefits, a 401K, and growth potential that far exceeds that available in a slamwitch store.<br />
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When you juggle as much responsibility as I do, it's easy to lose focus on the priorities. My priorities are with my children. They need me most.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-53106671977076687402012-01-30T19:52:00.000-08:002012-01-30T19:52:57.449-08:00Learning to Live<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Six months later ...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned from everything and everyone that has crossed my path. I have learned that I can do anything. I have learned that I am worth everything. I have learned that my kids deserve the world.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned to open the door and let whatever is behind it teach me. I have learned not to let the negative feelings and the fear of the unknown control me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned that not everyone is a liar and going to hurt me. I have learned not to judge people for their mistakes and learned not to allow them to judge me for mine. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have learned to let go and to LIVE. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lessons that have changed me so much I hardly recognize 'her' in my reflection now at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am happy. I am learning not to be ashamed of my decisions or embarrassed of my mistakes. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the last 2 months I have smiled more than ever and reconnected with pure laughter! My cheeks hurt at the end of some days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I made careless mistakes ...<br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I ran out of gas once. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I left my headlights on once. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I fell up the stairs once (maybe twice). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I lost and found my drivers license. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I sang karaoke - very very badly. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I left the cap off the oil on my car. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yet, here I am - laughing about it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am just so happy to be here and alive and finally, actually, really ... living.</span></div>
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-51446971602387244832012-01-29T23:48:00.000-08:002012-01-29T23:48:28.622-08:00Falling. No Matter How Hard.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No matter how cautious, no matter how prepared ... </div>
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Life knocks you down. </div>
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The bravest of us truly embrace the fall. </div>
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Falling isn't a sign of weakness, </div>
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It's a willingness to breathe the freedom of letting go. </div>
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Standing in a safe place, </div>
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never taking a risk, </div>
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isn't freedom at all. </div>
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It's a shackled existence bound to an inevitable end. </div>
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Both frightening and exhilarating, falling is how we grow. </div>
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Growing comes from enduring trials, </div>
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overcoming obstacles, </div>
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letting down our guards... </div>
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and living life. </div>
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Living not only in the moment,</div>
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but living in the present. </div>
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Becoming who we are doesn't happen because of some mysterious plan;</div>
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It becomes of all the decisions and mistakes we make,</div>
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and how we chose to face the consequences.</div>
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As people we have a choice ...</div>
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Life life to the fullest - or simply die.</div>
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I choose to live. </div>
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I will take the risks. </div>
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I will let myself fall. </div>
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I will grow from each new day. </div>
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I will give everything I have to the unknown, </div>
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and accept the outcome as how I am meant to </div>
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BECOME. </div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-41021675717588622742012-01-15T20:08:00.000-08:002012-01-15T20:08:29.390-08:00Just say "Yes"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIUErEiL8V1E9jyPoc3xPLYsqcEnU5coaSihEzGK41NLZQKCJbDbU0LPJgV0JxNz0LVwmHvPZOM5pK_ktzG-2Fv8BGa9YBZQDC5-zv8Z12KL3ld8guE6CS5geqn8tWOhMrtDNbI3XcR8/s1600/little+boxes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIUErEiL8V1E9jyPoc3xPLYsqcEnU5coaSihEzGK41NLZQKCJbDbU0LPJgV0JxNz0LVwmHvPZOM5pK_ktzG-2Fv8BGa9YBZQDC5-zv8Z12KL3ld8guE6CS5geqn8tWOhMrtDNbI3XcR8/s1600/little+boxes.jpg" /></a>I grew up in a sheltered little box. I am not ashamed of that, but it is the truth. I loved the security that came from always knowing exactly what to expect from life. I was comfortable for a long time. There were things I never tried; things I never cared to experience. I wasn't missing out on things I knew nothing of...<br />
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That's all over now. </div>
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I moved to this little mountain town a couple years ago and until six months ago, I only left my house to go to the library and the grocery store. I had no idea what I was missing. This place has so much more to live for than I ever dreamed possible. It wasn't until recently that I decided to try new things as often as possible. At the time, I had no idea what I was in for. <br />
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Now, when someone suggests I should try something new I jump at the chance. I find a way to say "Yes". I've broken out of my shell and am living as hard as I can, while I can. I had this crazy idea that I had to wait until all my kids were in college to start living for me. I was so far from right, it's a shame. I can live for them and for me. It's a simple matter of working that balance. <br />
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I am grateful for every new opportunity that's come along. Sure, it's a little scary to just say yes and run with it... but it's equally exhilarating too. So to the future for my life, now I say ... BRING IT ON!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-70819782476240301682012-01-07T21:21:00.000-08:002012-01-07T21:28:08.622-08:00Scouts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAulHIfFAmqnT5ccdCzoc_0hGqsZQInIhh8mE2uIcp6c0oYAQ7xE47GnaU7deO1_Acn1GlqhQx65BbMc5oVy0vf5jvxOLQMiyn__DhG2w8nbF1dc-5O0Ar3eznFBOQLpRFuL3cMe7k7Kc/s1600/A+Jeep.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAulHIfFAmqnT5ccdCzoc_0hGqsZQInIhh8mE2uIcp6c0oYAQ7xE47GnaU7deO1_Acn1GlqhQx65BbMc5oVy0vf5jvxOLQMiyn__DhG2w8nbF1dc-5O0Ar3eznFBOQLpRFuL3cMe7k7Kc/s200/A+Jeep.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPfjBktCOhMCK1zRcIowhEN2uPcWJAv-4B6rLv5NiLQ4oXHlu2OPG4uQj28NZ63TOS_95JqDoNM3YPD_icucSTwAIJ3ILugFYaD-HqKzDlXpPTHEv-kZVVHlyGXW8m5bH8dSGscFaLlG0/s1600/A+scout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPfjBktCOhMCK1zRcIowhEN2uPcWJAv-4B6rLv5NiLQ4oXHlu2OPG4uQj28NZ63TOS_95JqDoNM3YPD_icucSTwAIJ3ILugFYaD-HqKzDlXpPTHEv-kZVVHlyGXW8m5bH8dSGscFaLlG0/s200/A+scout.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I learned that a Scout is a truck, not at all like a Jeep. (and if you call it one a Scout owner is bound to kick you out of his truck)<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">I learned that climbing rocks while riding shotgun </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">in a Scout is one hell of a good time.</span></div>
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I learned that when you go out 4 wheeling, something always breaks </div>
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and that alone is not enough to end the adventure.</div>
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I also learned that demolition<br />
doesn't always involve an arena.
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Sometimes it starts with a broken truck. (a Jeep in this case; one that had it coming - or so I'm told by a Scout owner) <br />
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I learned that riding shotgun during a demolition is way more fun than watching!<br />
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Best of all I learned that a Jeep is much smaller than my car. <br />
Well, this one is now anyway!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-51986246989160977662012-01-06T22:36:00.000-08:002012-01-06T22:36:36.455-08:00Drive<div style="text-align: justify;">
I don't know how tomorrow will end, but I am excited to face it head on! I am learning to embrace the power I have to make the changes in my life happen. I sometimes need to remind myself that I am the one in the driver's seat. </div>
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I have spent the last few months taking on new challenges, meeting new people, making a few new friends and building a life of my own with one new experience at a time. I realized that God didn't shut a door and open a window, he shut a window and opened a hundred doors. Every person I've talked with recently has heard me say it. I am embracing that with everything in me. Every day is a chance to try something new!</div>
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Last week I was invited to go 4 wheeling with a crowd of people almost 50 strong! I thought to myself 'Now that's something I have never done before'. It's completely different from the kinds of invitations I normally encounter and I am really excited about that. In the past I would have declined. I admit it took me several days to realize how important it was to me that I accept the invite and so I quickly arranged to co-op some babysitting with a good friend.</div>
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Tomorrow I will walk through one of those "hundred doors". I am nervous and excited and grateful for the whole opportunity to participate. Most of all I am looking forward to the adrenaline rush that comes with trying new things. </div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-18909974309756701142011-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:002011-12-29T11:33:09.341-08:00Birthday Magic<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A little girl </div>
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With a brilliant smile</div>
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Turns seven today.</div>
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She sings when no one is listening.</div>
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She dances when no one is watching.</div>
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She rocks out on the piano and the guitar.</div>
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Her heart loves without abandon.</div>
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She tells the truth without regret.</div>
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She has faith stronger than anything.</div>
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A day devoted to her every whim, </div>
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Every desire. </div>
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A day she'll live joyfully.</div>
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A day to remember forever.</div>
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Happy Birthday</div>
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Precious Rockstar!</div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-88830573377803914782011-12-28T18:06:00.000-08:002011-12-28T18:06:44.181-08:00Craisy about Christmas, Craisy for life!This is a time of year when Christians come out in droves to tell about the coming of their savior. A birthday. A day I believe is celebrated like Presidents Day ... not on an actual date, but a day of remembrance - despite it's clear misplacement on a calendar. (The census that drew them to Jerusalem was a springtime event, after all.) I am not discounting religion, it too has it's place during this holiday season. I do believe in God. I do believe that all paths to God are worthy ones. I don't believe in the corporate control over organized religion. I am one who thinks it's just as noble to celebrate God in the quiet of your home as it is to sing in a choir of 500 others on a Sunday morning. To each their own path; this is after all, a free nation. I am hoping to highlight another side of the holidays. <div>
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As a mother to four angels, 'tis the season to be watching endless movies starring Santa and his entourage. The holidays, after all, aren't over. There's the wise men, the feast, the New Year's Eve thing at Time Square - to name a few stops on the seasonal celebratory calendar. Anyone who put their tree away already is really missing out on the 12 days of Christmas. Once the shopping is done and Santa shows up, some people like to just hurry up and quit the holiday altogether. I blame that on the malls. They pump us full of impulse shopping highs, so naturally we crash as soon as the last gift in unwrapped. <div>
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But I'm the Christmas Chick. Christmas Craisy. Call me whatever you want, Christmas, I can do!!! We celebrate Christmas in stages in my family. Christmas part two will be on Friday the 6th, as it should be. We'll drink cider, toast to our love for each other, relish in the gratitude that comes from all the fine things we now aspire to become. </div>
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There's a great line in a fun Christmas movie called "Elf". Perhaps you've heard of it? </div>
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I like to smile, I like to see smiles, I like the contagious nature of smiling. I like the joy; the pure happiness it creates. You can smile on your darkest day, and for that moment you won't be able to deny that it does actually feel a little better. You can smile at a miserable old man too and chances are, he will indeed smile back. Smiles are everything. </div>
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Christmas isn't just a season of giving and receiving, as we have all come to know it as. Christmas is a children's holiday, predating Christianity. It's a holiday we all should remember begins and ends with children, their smiles and their very nature to experience unabashed joy at the delight of their families! Children understand the holiday season to be much more than a trip to the mall and a late night of wrapping gifts and bandaging paper cuts. They behave to the best of their abilities and hope to be rewarded for that with a gift, sure, but more importantly they expect to be loved, hugged and cherished. They long to be with the people they care for and they delight in the togetherness the holiday brings. They anticipate kind words in a Christmas card and happily bake cookies for the man in the red suit who took the time to notice how good they are. </div>
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Children sing songs and smile and live every single day with that same joyful smile we plaster on our faces one morning a year. If we can channel the generosity and joy of a child, we can truly appreciate Christmas for what it is. Next year, I hope to live every day with that kind of hopefulness. I don't intend to allow the spirit of the season to fade and then somehow mystically return again for a few weeks next winter. Christmas marks one day in a long year. It is my opinion that every day should be lived, not just to it's fullest, but to it's most joyful. </div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-39710484574338697222011-12-22T12:43:00.000-08:002011-12-23T11:45:13.954-08:00From Scratch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The holidays are here and a new year is approaching. This is a time to reflect on the past, face the future and appreciate all the blessings life has served up in a year. </div>
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It's not an easy task, amid the hustle and frenzy, to be truly appreciative and joyful. Children have it easiest this time of year. They're allowed, even encouraged, to feel it genuinely.</div>
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My life, this year, marks a stop in the road, a landmark - if you will. Starting over from scratch is no easy task, and yet I've been happy, grateful and positive about it from day one. </div>
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God didn't shut the door and open a window, he shut a window and opened a hundred doors. </div>
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All this hard work is shaping me into a person I can face in the mirror. I stand back and honestly admit that I am better off at rock bottom than I was at the highest point with "him". </div>
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I could not be more grateful for the lemons life handed me!</div>
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<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">I am starting from scratch. </span></em></strong></div>
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<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">I could not be more blessed in this fact. </span></em></strong></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-58574062317075544032011-11-26T09:42:00.001-08:002011-11-26T12:52:42.989-08:00Dear Santa<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i><b>I have four amazingly different children. Each one is incredibly smart, self confident, polite, caring, and honest. They will defend me, and each other to the death if you challenge them. Their loyalty to family is unmatched. I suppose that comes with being young. Our family has been through hell this year, and yet the children still stick together. </b></i></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;">My oldest daughter kept a very serious secret for as long as she could to protect her younger sister and brothers from losing their father. She wanted to protect their family, at her own expense, unfortunately. It was very sad. She is much stronger than anyone thought possible. She amazes me more every day. </i><b style="text-align: justify;"> </b></div>
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<i>My youngest daughter believes in magic. She wishes on stars, paints pictures of comets, dances without inhibition or rhythm, forgives everyone for everything and has a very big message for Santa this year. The kids all sat down with their oldest sister and made up their Christmas lists. They each thought of about 8 toys they wanted and she wrote them out for me to read. They all thought these were their Santa lists but I misunderstood and sent them to my parents who had asked recently for short lists from each of them. Last night I sat down on my bed with my youngest daughter who came to me looking very sad and wanted to talk. </i></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">She was on the verge of tears and asked, "Mom, did you already send my list to Santa?"</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">"Well no, I thought that list was for Papa, so I sent it to him."</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">"Oh great!", she said with a huge sigh of relief. "I need to send him a different letter. I know he's going to send me toys and presents, and whatever he wants to send me, that's OK with me. I was really, really good this year. I think I want to send him a different kind of letter."</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">"Really? What do you mean? What will your new letter say?", I asked.</span></i></b></div>
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<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">"I only want one thing for Christmas, Mom. I want to have my family. I just miss them all and think Christmas should be having my family."</span></i></b></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;">My three younger children did lose their father, consequently. It's still in the early stages of determining how much time they get with him, and I'm still very angry and don't trust him around any kids right now. The entire conversation turned my whole heart inside out. It poured out love for the forgiving innocence of a six year old wish. It boiled over in fury for the man who ruined everything. It folded inside out with nausea because there isn't forgiveness in my heart for him yet. It made me want to cry. </i></div>
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<i style="text-align: justify;">Naturally, I explained to my pretty blonde angel that she did have her family - not just for Christmas, but forever. We will always be her mom, her grandma, her papa, her aunt, her cousin, her brother, her sister. That little tie that binds us as family can never be broken by anything, not even a crime against another. Family is always. It hurt so much to tell her the truth. I wanted to say, 'ya right, your dad sucks and you don't have to see him ever again'. But then, reality set in, she will see him. She does get to keep her family - in a very different way than she wanted, and she feels that heartache right now.</i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvsOH3nYX0zg8Ul1rldq4CvACBhwDtbab88t5ZEtGVfXSyZfBb3BYEB2YKmQtrYKm827tQwD0fwu-3OpcZklxIHWVske8EUdm_tLdpW64GGZTQcXp85DwB-QhVWzTAu5Sr82ECvTIn2_E/s1600/00+dIEc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvsOH3nYX0zg8Ul1rldq4CvACBhwDtbab88t5ZEtGVfXSyZfBb3BYEB2YKmQtrYKm827tQwD0fwu-3OpcZklxIHWVske8EUdm_tLdpW64GGZTQcXp85DwB-QhVWzTAu5Sr82ECvTIn2_E/s320/00+dIEc.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i><b>I want to take all their pain and confusion away. I want to tell them every last disgusting detail so they will be as angry with that </b></i><i><b>part of the family as I am. I just can't do that to their innocent little hearts. It isn't fair to tell them the whole truth. Thank God kids are magic. They believe in the impossible. They have real faith and they love absolutely and unconditionally. </b></i></div>
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</i></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-17967346992928711022011-11-12T19:17:00.001-08:002011-11-12T20:51:47.653-08:00Welcome Back to Reality<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm2HpcG08nZ8tPo9aXwku0nMPS9s6tMzpmSSOUaJsB2D0rIsCw33YB934RVFvOR8NZn0bgqok_x7xkUvO-RFnXJh_IxzBN2xdiQUiZFjz2JWiveKo-B5gvgWMp6OSQ2A7P8r8c_s9S4h4/s1600/01+th_thfunny-1-2-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgm2HpcG08nZ8tPo9aXwku0nMPS9s6tMzpmSSOUaJsB2D0rIsCw33YB934RVFvOR8NZn0bgqok_x7xkUvO-RFnXJh_IxzBN2xdiQUiZFjz2JWiveKo-B5gvgWMp6OSQ2A7P8r8c_s9S4h4/s1600/01+th_thfunny-1-2-1.jpg" /></a></div>
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I have been out of work for a long time. I have a valid reason, but during hard times like these, that fact does not matter very much. Staying home and raising small children was a noble venture and I was proud to be a stay at home mom. </div>
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I have read all the articles about working moms vs. stay at home moms - which consequently set women up against one another over such a personal decision it's unfair to continue to print the articles at all. I often read them, shook my head at both sides, and resigned to not caring what anyone thought of my choice to stay home. I also refused to take part in the battles to prove my job was harder or more valuable or more important. I was bound to end up finding someone who disagreed. I am also fairly certain her points to disagree would have been just as valid as mine. It was, and still is, a never ending unfair argument.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXllbY-cZhE9e1K5h-RDbdkeuOQ9LPM8mXai92SkQ6PK6Gka55O1-hkwG_iL2pOECpJfKpfguxNR14g5FavZny04t7QfMeCNPLMEsGi2iLscwE2otKvQBQmtGCOEMs4mF6v8Akm1Fbcpw/s1600/01+th_networking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXllbY-cZhE9e1K5h-RDbdkeuOQ9LPM8mXai92SkQ6PK6Gka55O1-hkwG_iL2pOECpJfKpfguxNR14g5FavZny04t7QfMeCNPLMEsGi2iLscwE2otKvQBQmtGCOEMs4mF6v8Akm1Fbcpw/s200/01+th_networking.jpg" width="137" /></a><br />
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While we are busy fighting each other over who has it best, and who has it hardest we are missing the opportunities to network our strengths and stand together. Women are strong; we thrive on helping others. And yet we consistently don't. We fight over who has the best shoes, the best husband, the brightest kids, the shiniest car, the cutest handbag, the most notable charity, the highest salary, the best lawn, the saddest childhood, the hardest challenges, the biggest problem. Shouldn't we be caring instead of hating? <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrBCXsdNSZSuqsKcaMFweQ92Gi25_5Uk2V2gHrQ4M_6Fctja9Mxn2qfrF3_7zvZW60qO6_SdzCk5f_eYZmM_Uy44pjkyEa8oQt7bvu0VCTXZeRiKJ0BHp5qavEC0NJWoGn4JVCg0r-yQ/s1600/01+a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrBCXsdNSZSuqsKcaMFweQ92Gi25_5Uk2V2gHrQ4M_6Fctja9Mxn2qfrF3_7zvZW60qO6_SdzCk5f_eYZmM_Uy44pjkyEa8oQt7bvu0VCTXZeRiKJ0BHp5qavEC0NJWoGn4JVCg0r-yQ/s1600/01+a.jpg" /></a>I was offered a good job this week. I am in no position to be turning one down; after all I have been unemployed for half a decade. I did turn it down though. It was the realization that I was interviewing the restaurant and not the other way around. I have to work, sure, but not at the expense of all my resources. I have reliable and regular daycare. I am available. It would have been fun to work in a truck stop diner. Unfortunately, nights and weekends are out of the question. I need to reserve my back up babysitting for actual emergencies, not occasional evenings and, oops!, every weekend. I can't go around burning bridges before they are even finished being built. <br />
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I will find a job that works for me. I have applied at more jobs that I can count. They range from restaurants to corporate firms, call centers to retail stores, part time to full time. Something will work out. I will not remain unemployed for long. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14w3dVqesmKtfawUwvh0EBWIf4qksl5HT7216PqLtrv79uqaiYIhoLrEoY7xsi9kD4f9BP52ERTv1LYJl-eqcx95hyd1XG_hbqLu1J04R3apsj3KAiVWKY9sU6K5H2EVB1Jd2yw8Po1M/s1600/01+th_panties.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh14w3dVqesmKtfawUwvh0EBWIf4qksl5HT7216PqLtrv79uqaiYIhoLrEoY7xsi9kD4f9BP52ERTv1LYJl-eqcx95hyd1XG_hbqLu1J04R3apsj3KAiVWKY9sU6K5H2EVB1Jd2yw8Po1M/s1600/01+th_panties.jpg" /></a><br />
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I do know one thing. All these folks collecting unemployment, complaining that their benefits expire and they cannot be renewed again; the one's who swear they can not find a job. I have news for them. They aren't looking hard enough. There are so many jobs out there right now, despite the rise in statistics we hear on the news night after lonely night. They may not be super high paying jobs, or even super exciting jobs. But when you're hungry - why does all that pride matter? </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EOZcQpzQwniuJNDrEtnXP1JwU80vxZCwftI6Y8XFOkYAKEzIMjRKcmboiGD49WXb6MIldvL84_FFsuzZE9jWMNrw4HOW4Fd8VmogqRtmFk_ozyKGLvVhWn3msfR7cl0_tMmVakHkLgI/s1600/01images+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2EOZcQpzQwniuJNDrEtnXP1JwU80vxZCwftI6Y8XFOkYAKEzIMjRKcmboiGD49WXb6MIldvL84_FFsuzZE9jWMNrw4HOW4Fd8VmogqRtmFk_ozyKGLvVhWn3msfR7cl0_tMmVakHkLgI/s200/01images+%25282%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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I am turning into a girl who refuses to be dependent on anyone but myself. After a long battle for my identity, that much is becoming very clear. I have to find something; anything. I will make it work. You won't see me standing by the side of the freeway holding a sign in this lifetime. No matter how hard it gets, I'm just going to work harder.</div>
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</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-54385065482702287462011-11-04T19:24:00.000-07:002011-11-04T19:24:37.915-07:00When It Rains, It Snows!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Just singing in the rain</span></span></div>
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What a glorious feelin'</div>
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I'm happy again.</div>
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-Gene Kelly</div>
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My whole life is truly in the midst of transition. Sure, everything changed a few months ago, but it is the work that I put into my life now that causes the transition to actual real change. Yesterday was tough because I dealt with difficult negotiations from dawn until dusk. In the end, everything worked out beautifully - but it wasn't without a whole lot of effort. I tried to maintain a positive attitude when all I wanted to maintain was a flying fist. </div>
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Today, in the true spirit of a fresh start, the rain washed away all the negativity. It was a welcome cleansing of bad energy. And then the rain turned to snow. It didn't stick to the ground long or leave us with a blissfully quiet white blanket, but it sparkled and fell so gracefully to the ground. Snow is peaceful; I found peace in my decisions today. I was able to look back on yesterday, kiss it goodbye, and breathe new life into the work today.</div>
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Next week begins a new chapter for us. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">My boys will be in preschool and I will join the workforce again for the first time in nearly 8 years. Being a stay at home mom was a joyful experience I would not trade back, but I am grateful for this new opportunity. It will take me where I am most certainly headed. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmr-tpd6eH00phniDQ-JoM0SsB5yg07k6gR0xCG5ERd8wRGPQU-VEzqz3Lg-WyK_NWvWaM_MtakqOf1ij00UxH1Y4NGWw-E_xMeoYacnSCO9V20r7vdxZ-sPkHbOYuc4YVY9GSphIQbbw/s1600/IMG_20111104_171708.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmr-tpd6eH00phniDQ-JoM0SsB5yg07k6gR0xCG5ERd8wRGPQU-VEzqz3Lg-WyK_NWvWaM_MtakqOf1ij00UxH1Y4NGWw-E_xMeoYacnSCO9V20r7vdxZ-sPkHbOYuc4YVY9GSphIQbbw/s400/IMG_20111104_171708.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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Hope! Prosperity! Joy! </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-53369059215859651252011-11-03T19:33:00.000-07:002011-11-04T07:15:46.780-07:00TIGF<br />
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My cousin has inspired me, and after the day I had today I cannot ignore the desire to just sit back and really appreciate all the things I am grateful for. It's a much easier list to deal with than the things I'm upset about. And to be honest, these days positive thinking really does make everything better. Even the really challenging things. So here goes!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-4PmoqMOw1OVjNUCD8gI6OLRL6h5JSTOaD5XVx5xGstrrHDCBT5RRdIeiCXcviGxKCwAbE52CrYT8noIU7Lki4i1qAgu0cjVHrGAI-COqgRVSGKzNW64k7ozAA0CWzg77eU0hLPInAQ/s1600/11+34550510_buttons_540x405.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3-4PmoqMOw1OVjNUCD8gI6OLRL6h5JSTOaD5XVx5xGstrrHDCBT5RRdIeiCXcviGxKCwAbE52CrYT8noIU7Lki4i1qAgu0cjVHrGAI-COqgRVSGKzNW64k7ozAA0CWzg77eU0hLPInAQ/s200/11+34550510_buttons_540x405.png" width="200" /></a><br />
1) Text messages. <br />
They brighten my day! Every single one of them makes me feel good! I almost do a happy dance before I read them. I admit it. I am a text message addict. I am glad they are unlimited!<br />
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2) A warm coat. <br />
It's about as cold as I can handle outside and I actually leave the house now. A warm coat is necessary and I'm so lucky to have one that keeps me warm. I will never wear four sweaters at once again!<br />
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3) My sister. <br />
If it weren't for her, I would have to be the republican in the family! Seriously though, she also happens to be a pretty great role model. I have looked up to her, despite being the oldest, for more years than I care to count. She pretty much rocks at everything!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRoHr8TDdsjdT61wr-4zLl3wWtKVfJMdeA_1QbQ8ymoIbFKxqzjwnah-rlOiPJhdxGBen_jhyphenhyphenur25bp_DjtoG0qmxgI1AGvU3sY9jCmELOIC7-dyWoSAEB2pj5z-m3dmtvvcYKybQH2Js/s1600/1+tickle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRoHr8TDdsjdT61wr-4zLl3wWtKVfJMdeA_1QbQ8ymoIbFKxqzjwnah-rlOiPJhdxGBen_jhyphenhyphenur25bp_DjtoG0qmxgI1AGvU3sY9jCmELOIC7-dyWoSAEB2pj5z-m3dmtvvcYKybQH2Js/s200/1+tickle.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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4) Tickle FIGGGGHT!<br />
There is no better way to start the day, or end it. We don't limit ourselves. Anytime is a good time for an all out fit of the giggles. We do it whenever the mood strikes. I love that about my life.<br />
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5) Friends. <br />
New friends. Old friends. Far away friends. It's love. What else can I say? <br />
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6) My family. <br />
No, not the kids plus me. (Well, yes, actually - them too!) I'm grateful for the whole entire crew! If it weren't for Facebook I might not see them as often... but that's OK. I'll take them all however I can get them.<br />
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7) HelnGonz. <br />
My dad used to be the coolest guy on earth. Then he met the coolest chick on earth and now they're the coolest people alive! Seriously folks, they're so cool they got married at Burning Man, that's cooler than being married by Elvis in Vegas. Trust me! Just look at their name. If you haven't met HelnGonz you are missing out!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9nKVxZdsJYtG5FXlmMA80QxK64iqD4w2UF_7FNisGNd8ec0vxC803e4g1THfv6Ai4Xdp3dNvbx0ptSluF5uaQ-bqLS8H9STB5ljCSTOK8zjgIDOT2L-xPEy4uCEFvUtRWAumF9illtXY/s1600/1+jimihendrix.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9nKVxZdsJYtG5FXlmMA80QxK64iqD4w2UF_7FNisGNd8ec0vxC803e4g1THfv6Ai4Xdp3dNvbx0ptSluF5uaQ-bqLS8H9STB5ljCSTOK8zjgIDOT2L-xPEy4uCEFvUtRWAumF9illtXY/s200/1+jimihendrix.jpg" width="166" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeksVXm9UaOlbVt7-sCqLkme_mrHbrQdVEBWg-BWkoozGkgBZxRK67RY-r2B_yeLJxK9omv_ic323TV9iRXp9cxvrAILMDfLvY9byRdofv6qVkcdtBHA7iqlH-6R4E05Wkfz6Ix4g562E/s1600/1+default-tom-petty-v1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeksVXm9UaOlbVt7-sCqLkme_mrHbrQdVEBWg-BWkoozGkgBZxRK67RY-r2B_yeLJxK9omv_ic323TV9iRXp9cxvrAILMDfLvY9byRdofv6qVkcdtBHA7iqlH-6R4E05Wkfz6Ix4g562E/s200/1+default-tom-petty-v1.jpg" width="200" /></a>8) Tom Petty and Jimi Hendrix! <br />
Day in, day out, since the beginning of time, those dudes have been rocking my house. I could be on the floor in tears, and then snap out of it instantly with some truly amazing music! Those two have been lifting my spirits forever. Seriously. I mean that. <br />
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9) Kisses. <br />
Who doesn't like them? I get them four times as often as anyone else I know! Sure, they come with all kinds of sticky fingers and pancake slobber, but those are the greatest! They would come right after tickle fights if I had to rank these in some kind of preferential order! Kisses. Can't live without them.<br />
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10) My kids.<br />
They make me Craisy. They make me smile. They make my whole entire world better. These Littles have my heart; my everything. They are my sun! I am their sun! It works. I have nothing but love for these guys.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-61650561294975016742011-11-02T10:29:00.000-07:002011-11-02T10:30:56.893-07:00Who Really Knows What's Best?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxgh-Ux1MFMSrQ_CKs1U_O1hdVn8L1kL1zFy7mT4Zu1TGh-oNGkjZV3Lby8T8n7ge_bnG8akD5ln-ryVidkdPHsQ7vMXPCDLKPaiCprAoRWV6IfL_eTmaZgpaqnLa9FTsZL4YYCkwQE4/s1600/a+believe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxgh-Ux1MFMSrQ_CKs1U_O1hdVn8L1kL1zFy7mT4Zu1TGh-oNGkjZV3Lby8T8n7ge_bnG8akD5ln-ryVidkdPHsQ7vMXPCDLKPaiCprAoRWV6IfL_eTmaZgpaqnLa9FTsZL4YYCkwQE4/s1600/a+believe.jpg" /></a></div>
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Isn't all of life just a series of trials and errors? </div>
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We go into situations with the best of intentions hoping</div>
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for the greatest possible outcome. <br />
We never know what that outcome will be. </div>
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We're human. </div>
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We make mistakes, </div>
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we leap before we look sometimes </div>
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and we don't always calculate all the possibilities in advance. </div>
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Sometimes we think we know what's best for us and we're wrong. </div>
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Sometimes we do what's best and face intense criticism from our loved ones who may disagree. </div>
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No matter what, </div>
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the outcome is going to be what's best. </div>
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And this is true because we learn. </div>
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Every mistake, </div>
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every error, </div>
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every victory, </div>
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every experience we have as people really, </div>
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teaches us something. </div>
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And learning is at the very core of what makes us so special in this universe. </div>
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We don't just run around on nothing but instinct. </div>
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We live. We love. We get hurt. We make mistakes. We teach. We grow. We learn. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-68755081620057671712011-11-01T09:29:00.000-07:002011-11-01T09:29:15.847-07:00Sounds Like Expert Advice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtoNZG9iOBB4H3WkQRNkO62EVRswo_1z9hrr_zxsTV6KeeOZ7Dfg9Msgt_M0Gl55J6lk58k3a_1pi2Y1Cum6fabbCKAaFUdI0OLIqaCDapEeiZ_sxSmekp57D45_kwjAB27ma5JxKOVSk/s1600/1+give.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtoNZG9iOBB4H3WkQRNkO62EVRswo_1z9hrr_zxsTV6KeeOZ7Dfg9Msgt_M0Gl55J6lk58k3a_1pi2Y1Cum6fabbCKAaFUdI0OLIqaCDapEeiZ_sxSmekp57D45_kwjAB27ma5JxKOVSk/s1600/1+give.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-18130524961234041222011-10-31T06:00:00.000-07:002011-11-01T09:28:18.390-07:00Happy Halloween!<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>This just feels like the best way to wish everyone a safe and happy Halloween. Whether you're trick or treating, trunk or treating, mall or treating, or heading out to a costume party ... check this out first, it will put you in the mood! </b></i></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UfcNoMnKjrY?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-65593876473126207882011-10-28T20:26:00.000-07:002011-10-28T20:26:10.753-07:00A Necessary Sacrifice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvufAlTh9BmZbZnw5H9dXdcLngIiV7vFJIbmXufyu4qETR2-YSD7Y6904P4-ee4wx9fNGPiN5S9kYpr_ieZRwUO9hhYstizPEJmLOfr7OCUI2aCRVH7IpnXlC19r_PUtg18_xp9lZAPYg/s1600/SerenityPrayer.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvufAlTh9BmZbZnw5H9dXdcLngIiV7vFJIbmXufyu4qETR2-YSD7Y6904P4-ee4wx9fNGPiN5S9kYpr_ieZRwUO9hhYstizPEJmLOfr7OCUI2aCRVH7IpnXlC19r_PUtg18_xp9lZAPYg/s1600/SerenityPrayer.gif" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6UM0t6YbiUDEHg85lidzMIGzcxVp7ejUybM2i_GR3sjn5pd4quHsRfqBrUnewJK-NvmxeSU4X120YiqGO6CQc8xxXiHKZuE1-0rbttuxHKp2buegFzwzELRWDr90mx77Za-EkgpFPYc4/s1600/Inspirational+Quotes+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6UM0t6YbiUDEHg85lidzMIGzcxVp7ejUybM2i_GR3sjn5pd4quHsRfqBrUnewJK-NvmxeSU4X120YiqGO6CQc8xxXiHKZuE1-0rbttuxHKp2buegFzwzELRWDr90mx77Za-EkgpFPYc4/s400/Inspirational+Quotes+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Tomorrow morning I will drop my kids off for their first visit with their dad since I kicked him out a few months ago. At least the visit will be supervised. I can rest easy knowing my dad won't let that disgusting creep hurt these kids in any way tomorrow. </div>
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I still don't completely understand how he gets the right to see his kids before the investigation is closed. I also don't understand why this is becoming more and more my own prison while he still walks free. We live at the scene of the crime and still aren't granted permission to move? It's our own personal hell and we live here! How does this make sense? I'm really disappointed in how truly broken our judicial system is. </div>
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I am trying really hard to accept this thing I cannot change. I have arranged to have brunch with an old friend. I am hoping that a few laughs with her will take my mind off the reality of why I'm in town to begin with. I am seriously worried about being bad company at brunch. I would hate to be THAT girl. I am looking forward to finding out what restaurant she picked and meeting her there and letting it all go for a couple hours! </div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-11753496430754940122011-10-28T15:52:00.000-07:002011-10-28T15:52:37.951-07:00Awesome!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiic72gWJ_Ga1wOFonszMardcpcDOpJlHbyirjK_Zf4NjxnRGtftd34En2gNxC0-I5P9rGsB_V1FcEIAAYdQ6xeOstbXHL5p2HYWdgHPltD9C2tWZgKr7O0UEt3LS37PwXJRPV_N5xTL9A/s1600/a+courage.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiic72gWJ_Ga1wOFonszMardcpcDOpJlHbyirjK_Zf4NjxnRGtftd34En2gNxC0-I5P9rGsB_V1FcEIAAYdQ6xeOstbXHL5p2HYWdgHPltD9C2tWZgKr7O0UEt3LS37PwXJRPV_N5xTL9A/s320/a+courage.gif" width="302" /></a></div>
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It's awesome that the harder I work, the better I feel!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-88936879154595864682011-10-26T21:50:00.000-07:002011-10-26T21:51:06.215-07:00Encouragement For Myself<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCIe9Oo3pG_zYeQBMcsdbLrtv5pYeIQbQo7rJBBitHAxKSdnzu5dWuA6noegcNYDuT_M6P2TelB3-M69tFKYjMRu13PvLS0OTzgKTAAT4-1X3JFlL8tJc6GycgZTp3tuIwBdvxKYKWPzU/s1600/a+heal+the+past.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCIe9Oo3pG_zYeQBMcsdbLrtv5pYeIQbQo7rJBBitHAxKSdnzu5dWuA6noegcNYDuT_M6P2TelB3-M69tFKYjMRu13PvLS0OTzgKTAAT4-1X3JFlL8tJc6GycgZTp3tuIwBdvxKYKWPzU/s320/a+heal+the+past.gif" width="241" /></a></div>
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I tend to stay friends with my exes. It's odd, but when I think about it, they've all been facebook friends too, at least for a while. I also have the tendency toward staying friends with all my old friends. I mean the real friends, the good ones, the ones I couldn't imagine my life without at some point. I love everyone; it is who I am at the most basic level. Some may call it a weakness, I think of it as a strength. I will admit this trait has gotten the best of me at times. It isn't as fun as it sounds. I am open to being crushed by just about anyone over things most people wouldn't spend 30 seconds worrying about. It has also opened some doors to some amazing friends that I otherwise may not ever have anything in common with. I still talk to the girl I lived next door to when I was six. I still have really entertaining conversations with the first boy I ever kissed. I still remember each and every time I had my heart broken, down to the really uncomfortable details. I remember both hearts that I have broken myself. Yes, there were only two, and to be fair, one of them was mine. This isn't some declaration of absolution, I just have the kind of heart that treads lightly and breaks easily. These are things I really don't mind sharing, but very rarely ever do.</div>
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A few months ago I had the rug pulled out from under my life. Everything changed because I had reacted to circumstances beyond my comprehension with a sense of duty and obligation. I waited to feel the effects of the changes we went through. I waited for the heartbreak. I waited for the feeling of rejection that inevitably follows. I waited and waited and waited. It never came. I never cried. I didn't regret. I wasn't sad or lonely. I never went through any typical "end of relationship" blues. Maybe that was because I had a stronger sense of purpose. Maybe that was because I had amazing friends who stepped in time with me for a few weeks straight and never let me stumble. Maybe that is because I have rocks for parents. Maybe that is because everyone I know understands, empathizes, and encourages me to keep at it. Whatever it is, I am grateful I can reflect on my feelings for my X and say only one thing about him ... </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6it8LKtCnTGeNIbTvHHMDuYmQ6s-VCuND9H3mK7pAnAor6c4SsVUPWsJBjDAkoChboy6GnGVW_5sfEd-DR2uOlRn3wQkVssUh_JsSRGzm9UcjZBKrsx7ymD5jxqsFvsshsuPZxbwbNqE/s1600/go+screw+yourself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="62" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6it8LKtCnTGeNIbTvHHMDuYmQ6s-VCuND9H3mK7pAnAor6c4SsVUPWsJBjDAkoChboy6GnGVW_5sfEd-DR2uOlRn3wQkVssUh_JsSRGzm9UcjZBKrsx7ymD5jxqsFvsshsuPZxbwbNqE/s320/go+screw+yourself.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Reflecting on the last few months has opened my eyes even more. I had an old friend stop by today unexpectedly. I hadn't seen her since late last spring. I answered the door in my pajamas, with my hair a total wreck, the house was a mess and I was just about to have my morning coffee. (Me: before morning coffee, is a little frightening.) I opened the door and stepped out front and closed the door behind me. And the first thing out of her mouth was a shock to hear. She said, "Wow! You look and sound and seem so much more relaxed than I've ever seen you before. What changed since I saw you last?" </div>
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I laughed out loud because I was thinking to myself as I opened the door, 'Oh no I haven't showered or had coffee, I'm a total mess, yesterday was unkind and today I feel it hard. Oh I hope she doesn't mind I'm just completely nuts right now'. And then my ears caught up, my nerves calmed down and I realized she just noticed how much my life had changed and I hadn't said anything but "Hi!". </div>
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So we sat on the porch and I gave her the 5 minute re-cap. She added that she sees a completely different woman in me now than she knew before and she was happy about it. She's coming back tomorrow so we can have coffee and catch up. In my head I've been shouting all day, 'But she noticed I'm not that same crazy, imprisoned woman anymore. I am free and someone I didn't have to tell noticed it right away'. I wonder how many other people see a different person when they see me now too?</div>
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Better still, I wonder how different I will seem in just a few more months at this rate? I have a renewed sense of confidence. I have a renewed hope in life. I have a renewed outlook. I am changing. I am changing every day. And you know something else ... </div>
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Andy was right!</div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-31147871228547225402011-10-25T16:07:00.000-07:002011-10-25T16:07:55.094-07:00Someone had to say it<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I have had one hell of a day! </span></b></div>
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> This just feels appropriate.</span></b><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Today just happens to be Food Day. I stumbled upon this fact in my ever expanding search for my future best job ever. Shall I write a book, a cookbook, teach a class, run a consulting firm, or counsel patients in better nutrition? How about I do all of the above? Well, folks, that's the plan! I promise not to try and convert my friends and family into some kind of vegan cult. I dream of nutrition for better reasons, cross my heart!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">As most of you already know, my six year old daughter has allergies just like I did. What most of you don't already know is that my two year old son also has food allergies. I know this seems silly because it doesn't affect you personally, but food allergies is becoming more common with each passing year. Treatable and preventable diet related diseases and sensitivities are becoming a big issue, not just here - but worldwide I'm sure too. We've been eating this way since the 50's and relying strictly on medicine to treat our discomforts for at least that long as well. I am discovering how we have the power to change that. Organic produce is a nice start, but radical changes are necessary in even the organic industry for that to truly provide a solution. We are not powerless though. We can choose to eat however we want. Each of us has a unique digestive system and goal in life. No two diets are supposed to be alike. I'll eat my food; you eat yours. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I intend to go on feeding my kids what is individually best for them without becoming some kind of short order cook. I am learning what they like. I am still feeding them chips, because eliminating the foods you love is like taking away roller skates because you already have a bicycle, but I'm buying them chips based upon an ingredients list I can pronounce. Doritos are becoming a thing of the past while the kids acquire the taste for no msg. Well rounded lives need well rounded diets. To be perfectly clear, the word diet has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. If you diet for weight loss and don't continue eating that way when you reach your goal then your diet was for nothing. Diet is a way of life. We eat to live, we live to eat, we love to eat the foods we love. It all fits into our lifestyle. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Happy Food Day!! Eat well, and live happy! </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2371819963511778924.post-69099328291960767342011-10-21T21:50:00.000-07:002011-10-21T21:50:13.077-07:00The Cycle of Abuse Stops with MEMy whole focus has been on rebuilding and moving forward. I'm working my tail off to put the shattered pieces of my life back together in a way I can live with tomorrow. I accept it as a challenge and take each day head on. I just need the courage to stand up for myself and the conviction to remain standing.<br />
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I have mistaken the idea of forgiveness for permission. I have repeatedly granted permission to keep walking all over me, time and time again, to friend, after friend, after friend. I can thank a motherless childhood for that "fear of abandonment complex" that drives this very behavior. It's been a lifelong battle to keep my friends, even when they don't deserve me. Hell, it's that very mentality that kept me in a broken marriage for 4 years and an abusive relationship with a sociopath for 8. I just wanted the love. I just wanted the acceptance. In hindsight, I was broken. I need a 12 step program for my addiction to abuse.<br />
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I am hurt. I am angry. Mostly I am shocked by how much it hurts.<br />
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It was a painful admission to acknowledge I was failing to teach my children adequately. It was humiliating to accept defeat and embrace the changes that needed to be made. I was in tears, crying over what I had to do, and worried about how I would handle the unfortunate outcome. I didn't come upon this moment in time lightly, as a matter of fact it tore me up inside. Working so hard towards a goal I realized was not mine to reach was gut wrenching. This personal outcry was not kept in confidence. I'm sure it began with the kindest of intentions. I can hardly remember the exact words I used, as I was in an emotional state... and yet it was inadvertently shared and then misunderstood and I was confronted and needed to apologize. <br />
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I have curve balls thrown at me almost every single day. I think I'm handling it all extremely well and growing more for the experience. I would like to think that any misunderstanding would work itself out. I would like to think that people wouldn't gossip about these challenges in my life, but would instead be understanding and supportive. I would like to believe that taking a little space to breathe in between challenges wouldn't be misinterpreted as being selfish or bitchy. Don't I have enough to fight about right now on my plate? Between fighting in court, fighting for daycare, fighting for college classes, fighting for a job - fighting; essentially for security and stability. It's enough fighting to last me a lifetime.<br />
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